When I was a little girl, I was told my empathy would take me far in the world. I remember watching a friend get picked on, and feel their heart breaking. That’s probably why I got into so much trouble, I just needed justice.
Today, I sit here wanting that same justice but for other reasons and not for reasons you might be thinking. Today, I’m distracted. I’m distracted because someone is hurt because of me. Someone’s life has been altered because of me, and when that happens I always want it to be for the good.
I should start off by saying that this post isn’t about guilt. I am not in a situation for feeing guilty for things I have done or that I haven’t done. This is about true grace, kindness, love and peace. Someone is hurt because of my perceived actions, but my heart is raw and aching too. I have always told my kids that kindness matters the most when someone is unkind to you. I’ve always told them to shine bright when someone is trying to dim their gleam and to love people when they are impossible to love, because that’s when they need it most.
Life has a funny way of giving you a chance to live out these acts of moral guidance. I have an opportunity to obliterate someone’s perspective and hurt them as they have done to me, but I will choose love. I will choose to gracefully decline to interact, to back away when faced with conflict, to request forgiveness should the situation arise. Part of me feels like a three year old, refusing to apologize because I didn’t do anything wrong, but most of me just wants this person to not hurt anymore.
You see, it didn’t take me long to realize that when people hurt others intentionally, it has very little to do with the person being hurt, and so very much to do with the people spewing the inconsistencies. I don’t want to paint a picture of kindness as something that is easy and spontaneous. I want my kids to see that choosing love, grace and forgiveness is hard. I want them to watch as I quiver with tears of frustration and tell the person that I’m sorry they are hurting.
Now don’t get confused. I won’t be a doormat. I’m not a scapegoat for someone else’s insecurities. They will never do this to me or my children again, ever. But I’m not reactive either. I won’t react in anger. So watch me as I peacefully digress, letting go of any chance of winning, or proving my point (I’m an extroverted, red headed Gemini, you can imagine how seldom that happens) and letting go the angst, frustration and sadness that this week has caused me.
When my kids and I choose to love someone in the face of adversity, we win anyways because we chose love. Choose love, always.
To the person that this is for, you know who you are. I hope you find genuine happiness in your heart, and I hope you find a few good friends to really do life with. ❤️