I’m a sharer, a lover. When you meet me, I pretty much wear my emotions on my sleeve, can’t hide a feeling because it’s all over my face, and my world is an open book. Personally, but not usually on the Internet. I’m not very guarded and am okay with the world seeing most of my flaws.
But there are secrets. Past obstacles, childhood angst, serious grown up issues. I trust fast, I love hard. This has been a downfall for me in the past, slightly, but mostly it has lead to beautiful (and long lasting) friendship. What happens when one of those friends that you thought was a “keeper” turns out to be transient? See I’ve had a wide range of transient friends. There are ones that were on the same sports team or club as my kids, that were in our area and moved away. We laughed with each other, joked about parenthood, maybe had a picnic lunch together enjoying our children and each other’s company. When these people and I parted ways it was with great memories and loving reminders of the times we had.
I wonder now though, what happens when a “forever” friend flips the coin on you, and acts like a “transient” one. Maybe I’m being dramatic here. I am in my mid 30’s, and maybe I shouldn’t be so pathetic about this. This woman was a keeper of my secrets, a lover of my family, a shoulder to cry on or with. It’s funny how life changes you. New people in our circle and new influences can impact what you’ve always known to be true. I’ve heard recently that you become the five people you spend the most time with. I see that’s happened with this friend, and that’s okay. The people we know and love are beautiful, vibrant people-except for the sorrow, grief and anger that has erupted from inside one soul.
My five people have made me powerful, ambitious, loving, a little snarky, creative, energetic and empathetic. They have made me more accepting of different lives. They’ve made me more compassionate and patient. For a long time, you had been one of them. I think saying you become them is a little bit of a stretch though. I think that certain people allow you to embrace certain qualities that are already within you and people that are holding onto past grief are volcanos just waiting to explode.
So my dear friend, I’m sorry your village has let you down. I’m sorry you’re surrounded by people that bring out your sorrow, insecurities and grief instead of your vibrancy for life, your contagious laughter, your will for fun. I’m sorry I missed out on showing you the love and laughter that you already have in your heart this summer-that’s what friends are really for. They are for making you a better version of yourself.
I already miss you and hope you find peace, dear friend.