A Word a Week- Comfort

Comfort- (1) a state of phyrical ease and freedom from pain (2) the easing or alleciateion of a person’s feelings of grief or distress. (www.dictionary.com)

Being comfortable is a part of the American dream. Or it least it should be, because these days, it is all I want.  In my 20’s I though comfort meant a padded bank account, beautiful furniture, glorious hips, and an amazing reputation.  I fought for it, and always came up short.  My eyes were focused on the wrong kind of comfort.  I see my kids striving for similar comforts, and I want to tell them–NO, that’s not what it really means.

We don’t have a perfect life. We have our mountains and valleys, our triumphs and defeats but one thing I do have now is comfort.

My skin-I am comfortable with who I am. I am not as thin as I dreamed of, but I am okay with that.  I have red blotches on my skin, but I am okay with that.  I am pale, probably glow in the dark pale, and I am okay with that.

My family-As a young mom, I always thought I had something to prove. I felt like I had to prove I could do this parenting thing.  I am okay now. I love my kids, and we know what is best. I am comfortable with that.

My choice to homeschool-It fits us. A lot of people don’t agree, but we wouldn’t want it any other way.

My friendships-I talk to everyone. I bring everyone together, but I am so happy (and comfortable with) my small circle of friends I can count on, that can count on me.

Growing up is hard work, but being comfortable enough to scream THIS IS ME, by what you do and how you live your life—that makes it worth is.

Be careful though, don’t get too comfortable.

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To my oldest boy

Boy, you are something.  You made me a mom. You have taught me how to love fiercely and unconditionally, stretched my patience to the end of the earth, made messes bigger than I thought possible, made me giggle with delight, my blood boil with anger, my heart ache for one more snuggle.

And now I look it you.  The lines on your face are becoming strong. You are taller than me. You would prefer to hang out with the adults and don’t like being put in the “kid” category.  How did you get to be (nearly) 13 already?  I remember the day I brought you home.  You were wrapped in a bright yellow fleece snowsuit equivalent ducky onsie.  It was absurdly cold for April.   I was scared of you, but so in love. And now, here I am again about to take on a new adventure with you as a teenager.  My boy, my lovely sweet boy, take these thoughts from your Mama with you as you get older and grow into a man.

  1. Hold on to you. Life is a journey.  So many people are going to try to change you.  Always. You are never going to be good enough for everyone.  You are always going to have haters.  Live a genuine, honest life doing what you love, with people you love and don’t worry about the rest of the world.
  2. Don’t get to big for your britches.  You are beautiful and talented, funny and strong, sensitive and kind.  Those are all good things.  There’s a lot about you that people should and will admire. Stay humble, and always remember your roots and look for the good in everyone.  Everyone has good in them.
  3. Be a man.  I don’t mean this in the herculean, save the world, superman mentality. But be respectful, chivalrous, walk with integrity, admit your mistakes.  That is something you’ll be proud of.
  4. Pursue your dreams. Love, I don’t care if you are a dog walker, a gas station attendant, a doctor or the president.  Find something that defines you, that sets your soul on fire, that makes life worth living–and do that. Dreams won’t come to you because you wish on them.  Theres no magic trick to living what you have always dreamed of but hard work and goal setting can make anything happen.
  5. Don’t take yourself too seriously.  Laugh at your mistakes. There are going to be a lot of them.  You’ll probably lose more than you win. Laugh at your mistakes and learn from them.
  6. Friends are the family you choose. You will always have us-we are family.  Friends are important too.  Choose people that reciprocate your love, intent, and attempts to get together. Don’t waste your time on friends that don’t make you feel good.
  7. No one will ever love you like your mother does.  When you cry, I cry. When you smile, I smile. I would fight for you, no matter the cost.  When you go out in your journey’s for love–find someone who loves you with that same intensity.  That person won’t be perfect, but when you find that person, you’ll know.

As I am writing this, our song comes to mind.  I am note sure you remember it but “I Hope You Dance” is the perfect song for you, my boy.   Dance your heart out, stay humble, and live life to the fullest.

 

Car theft and lessons learned

A few days before Christmas we woke up to find that someone had taken my van from my driveway, as a Christmas present to themselves. I spent the first 30 minutes staring at the wall, in disbelief. Seriously? My HOA bubble was burst.  I grew up in an inner city, so I know that these things do happen, but REALLY?  We went through the motions after I could comprehend enough to take care of what I needed to and got the car back late last night.  Children had stolen my car. They had done it before, have been a nuisance to the cops.

I picked up my car from the sketchiest towing company I have ever been to.  Perhaps suburbia is just rubbing off on me. It was all just very uncomfortable.  My van is in decent condition.  The items that were in there that I was worried about have been returned with the exception of Noah’s new chucks and my coveted blue yeti cup.   They did leave cigarette butts, the inside of a cigar, trash, and a box of chips ahoy! At least I know what snacks they like when I visit them in prison.

I cried yesterday. For the first time since my car was stolen and it was a messy, blubbery, crying mess. It was a real ugly cry, but this morning I feel like I have learned a lot.

5 things I learned from having my car stolen:

  1. Strength is harbored until you need it. Even though I am a homeschool mom, a blogger and a dual business owner I underestimated my ability to manage chaos and mayhem. I really was able to tackle and manage this problem.
  2. Good friends are like gold.  From a text message of remorse, a bottle of wine on my table without me requesting, neighbors offering their car, daily check ups to see what I need, and being there to help me laugh through it-you find out who your friends are and my friends are better than gold.
  3. You cannot mess with my kids.  My (almost brand new) car was stolen from my driveway and that made me mad.  What made me loose sleep, and want vengeance was the fact that my children’s stuff was in there. Some items that were irreplaceable, and they didn’t care.  When I found out my car was found, I just wanted my kids stuff to be in there.  Thankfully, most of it was.
  4. I have a heart for kids that need it. These kids are broken.  They are lost.  They need someone, something that will help them be better. They act this way because they are allowed to.  If they go to jail, I am probably going to visit them (law abiding) and love them through this.
  5. Knowledge is Power. I have never been in a situation where I have been scared to open my door, worried about doors being locked and worried about leaving my home with no one there.  I am now.  I am looking over my own shoulders in my own home.  I’ve been kicked out of my suburbia bubble.  It can happen anywhere.

I know how blessed I am. They took my car. A replaceable item that I did get back.  It’s filthy and I feel violated.  They took my stuff, my hard work, my blood, sweat and tears. They took the first new car I had ever owned and went joy riding.  I am not sure I have ever been more angry, grateful, and empowered to help change these kids all at one time.